Monthly Archives: January 2012

Ruining a birthday & playing Belle in Phantom of the Opera

Dream 1: Ruining a birthday party and watching Cody fall

My dream started off with me and a bunch of other people from my childhood sitting outside my late grandma’s house. There was a table set out on the driveway, and Soika, (a family friend who I consider as an aunt) was in charge of my sister’s birthday party. My sister and I (who looked the same age as we do now) are sitting at the table when Soika brings out a cookies n cream ice cream cake, with oreos on top. (We always get these cakes for birthdays at work). Soika hands it to me and tells me to let it defrost while she goes back into the house. As I am watching the cake I start to notice how fast it’s melting. So the only thing that comes to mind is, well, better eat it. So I just completely dig into the cake, hands going in, scooping it out and eating it all. I even take some out to feed my hungry sister, cause apparently she and I were raised by wolves. Soika comes back out with Bianca and Vanessa, our best childhood friends, and looks very disappointed. In fact, I think it was the maddest I’ve ever seen her. So she starts yelling at me like I was a kid, telling me that the cake was not just for me and my sister. I look all ashamed and I’m like, “but it was melting…and and….we were hungry..” In a huff, she and Bianca and Vanessa go to the grocery store to buy another cake. But before they do leave, some woman comes running toward the driveway and looks mad. Next thing I know, Soika is offering her my last peanut butter chocolate granola bar to punish me for what I did (I eat this every morning for breakfast). Once the runner ate it she had a huge smile on her face and in my head I am thinking, ‘Yeah I know it’s good huh?’

The next thing I remember is seeing Cody, a friend of mine and Alexander’s, walk around the front lawn. I’m like, “Oh look, there is Cody.” I don’t know why, but he was walking toward the 2 ft. brick wall that led to the neighbor’s lawn and wants to cross it. In my head I was like, ‘He’s gonna fall.’ And sure enough, Cody trips over the 2ft brick wall and does some somersaults until a tree finally stops him.

cookiesncreamDream 2: Playing Belle in the Phantom of the Opera

In my next dream sequence, my friends and I are in a small bedroom on a king-sized bed with a dining table in front of it. We are all sitting on the bed, hanging out, when room service comes and brings us food. My friends are about to eat the food on the bed and I’m like, “Come on guys, what are we, animals? Let’s at least eat at the table.” So we are at the table and I swear it looks like the Last Supper (my friend Megan showed me a photo-shopped picture of her and her co-workers at a Last Supper setting—hence why it came to my dream). Next thing I know, I am outside of this bedroom and looking at a beautiful mansion. I know it’s a set, but it is gorgeous and looks exactly like Beauty and the Beast. Next thing I know, some guy is telling me to come with him and meet Belle, or rather, the actress who plays Belle. When I meet her, she is near tears. I then realize that I am being introduced to her because I am taking over her job as Belle, and that’s why she was sad. But in my head I was like, “I’m playing Belle now? Wooo, that’s right beotch, suck on that!!” Next thing I know I am all dressed up in the classic yellow gown and ready to play the part in the next scene, which apparently involves me singing “Past the Point of no Return” with the Phantom of the Opera, who I found out is getting played by…guess who….Cody. But apparently someone thought it would be funny to lock the room Cody was in. So now I am freaking out and the whole crew is trying to find Cody, but he is nowhere to be found. I am on the set, looking exactly like Christine now and thinking, “Where the hell is Cody, he is going to ruin my big shot! The crowd is going to be so disappointed…” So, since no one could find Cody, my dream was too confused to continue, so I never got to see my show-stopping performance. But I did make sure I got to see what I would have looked like as Belle!

me_belle

Why I probably dreamed this: Someone had posted on my Facebook feed about being excited to see Beauty and the Beast in theaters. (I don’t know why it merged with Phantom of the Opera. Although, it would have been amazing if I could have been able to sing with Gerard Butler…..(no offense Cody, I’m sure you would have made a great Phantom ;)

 

Dirty Songs from my Childhood (that I am ashamed to have sung along to!)

nat_soapI can picture it now. My 8 year old self is sitting in the backseat of my mom’s 93 white Toyota Corolla (my older sister got to sit in front of course), and I am innocently muttering along to some song that my mom was listening to on either Kost 103.5 or Kbig 104.3. Unbeknownst to myself at the time, I was probably singing along to some of the dirtiest lyrics of the 90′s. And I don’t mean dirty as in, obviously dirty, with cussing and innuendos, but I mean subtlety dirty. In between Kenny G and Phil Collins, there were some songs that, on the surface seemed innocent enough, but once you really listen to them, you’re like “what the…that’s what she said?!” “Ew! That’s what he meant?” Only as I grew older did I realize how dirty/disturbing some of these songs are. In fact, I am shocked that my mom would even let us listen to these songs, let alone sing along to them. She was probably cracking up listening to us sing to these supposed innocent 90′s classics….either that or she wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics, or maybe didn’t understand them (English isn’t her first language.) Anywho, here is a list of the top four songs of shame I sang along to as a kid:

4) Breathe Again – Toni Braxton

Don’t you just love how dramatic those 90′s songs were? I love Toni Braxton. She had so many great songs that played on KOST that I sang along to, but just lately I realized how dramatic and horny she was in her songs. In her deep, sultry voice she would sing with a cracked voice,“If I never feel you in my arms again, if I never feel your tender kiss again, if I never hear I love you now and then, will I never make love to you once again, please understand, if love ends, then I promise you I promise you that, that I shall never breathe again, BREATHE again, BREATHE again, that I shall never breathe (BREATHE) again.” In case you missed it, she won’t ever breathe again. It is the end of her life. How is she supposed to breathe with no air, air? This is serious. Come on, really, Toni? You have an amazing voice, you are super attractive, will you really cease to breathe because some idiot guy left you? You have sold over 60 million records worldwide, just wipe your tears with some dollar bills. Man, I’m surprised that listening to these kind of songs didn’t make me super dependent on men. At least she came back with “Man enough for me” in 2000. She began to realize that girls singing about how dumb men were was becoming more popular than being a clingy, needy woman of the 90′s.

(Video Note: An unrecognizable Toni Braxton. Who decides, apparently, to set this music video as a Spanish soap opera, with long, crazy-ass sideburns, a confusing maze, a hot lover, and a naked Dove Commercial in the end.)

3)It’s all coming back to me now – Celine Dion

The song starts out innocent enough. There were those nights when it was so cold, days when the sun was just oh so cruel (damn you sun!) and she decided not to shed one more tear when her lover left. She also decided to banish all his memories, but in the next second, remembers when he touched her like this, and he touched her like that…and now it’s all coming back to her y’all. And then Celine just crosses the line. I can’t believe I belted this out as a kid– “there were nights of endless pleasure, it was more than any laws allow!” Ears are bleeding. Eyes are being scratched out. Can anyone really picture sweet little innocent Celine getting it on with a lover?? All I can picture her with is her 90 year old husband, and that sight just ain’t pretty. Glad none of these thoughts came to my mind as an eight year old. For all I knew, nights of endless pleasure meant them having long and fun nights of playing barbies and eating pizza.

(Video Note: I just had to share this with you guys, cause I was cracking up. It just goes to show you just how dramatic the 90′s were. I assumed that her lover left her cause he cheated or whatever, but no, in the video, HE DIES. By riding his motorcycle-scooter in the pouring rain, with thunder and lightning! And then Celine reminisces on those who so fun nights of pleasure, that apparently took place in a haunted mansion…and all she has left is her precious JC Penny photo frame.)

2) Queen of the Night – Whitney Houston

She’s got the stuff that you want, the thing that you need, she’s got more than enough to make you drop to your knees, cause she’s the queen of the night, the queen of the night, oh yeah, oh YEAH, OH YEEEAAHH. I loved Whitney Houston growing up. I probably listened to the Bodyguard soundtrack and danced to all those songs like 100 times, no joke. This song was one of my favorites to dance to. I had NO IDEA what this song was about until I was older and I think my sister was like uhh…you DO know what this song is about right? And I’m like, well she is the queen of the night….hmm queen of the night….ohhh…that queen of the night. So it wasn’t just this girl power song saying that she didn’t have a problem with who she was. She liked being bad and being loose, turning it up for YOU. I can just picture my mom sitting on the couch watching me dance, probably laughing inside when I sang how I just wanted to be loose and make you fall to your knees. Ahh good times.

(Video Note: There is none cause this video sucked!)

1) Into the Night – Benny Mardones

By far, this one is the winner in “most deceptive innocent song of the 90′s”. Seriously, WHAT THE EFF. Not only is it dirty, it is flippin disturbing. How deceived I was by the catchy chorus and great beat. (You were too admit it!). How could I sing along with a pedophile?? “She’s just 16 years old, leave her alone, they said….” They, as in the police?! Damn straight you better leave her alone. “But I want you to know, if I could fly, I’d pick you up, I’d take you into the night, and show you love like you’ve never seen, ever seen…” Ahh really, that’s how you feel Benny? Thanks for sharing your secret love to a 16 year old with the world. I really needed to know that if you could fly, (aka there were no laws against statutory rape,) you would take her into the night and show her love that she has never seen (gotta take advantage of the fact that she had no daddy to love her). I wonder how much crap he got about this song. Didn’t anyone notice what they were singing along to?? Were they all blind like I was to the awesome catchiness of the chorus? I can talk hate all I want on the lyrics of this song, but I’m not gonna lie, if that song came on right now, I would turn it up and sing at the top of my lungs,”BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW!!….. damn song.

Video Note: There are no words. Ok there are a couple. If this song was ever “controversial” for not really being about what we really know it is about, the video clearly proves us right. It starts out with a 16 year old girl with her permed hair flying in the fans, looking all seductive in a dark basement with small concert lights for Benny to enjoy his fantasies (gag). More shots of random women here and there posing as if they were models…wouldn’t that be funny if that’s what they told those girls? “Hey ladies, you wanna model for us?! We can make you big! Here pose for us, yeah, that’s it! (hey Fred, make sure those cameras are rolling, this is going to be great for our new video!)….keep smiling girls!”

Marriage is like Supreme Scream…

I have been married for almost two years. Now I’m not going to be all like, “Hey, I have been married a WHOLE TWO years, I know everything there is to know about married life, men, relationships blah blah blah. But hear me out. This is a pretty good analogy (at least for me). I was thinking about this on my way to work one morning. Picture it.

You are at the theme park with your boy or girl, walking around, dating, having the time of your life. You’re holding hands, kissing, playing arcade games, cuddling on the log ride, whatever. All of a sudden, he pops the question and you say “yes, yes a million times yes!”(or not, if you aren’t cheesy). Since you are now engaged it’s time to go on Supreme Scream, the scariest ride of them all. In the theme park. In the world. You both have butterflies, but try to will them away as you both sit down and pull the bar over you. The ride slowly starts going up, you look at each other, wink, and take a deep breath.

supremescream1As you start escalating higher and higher, you begin to see the whole world out there. Wow, look at all those cities…. look at all those people! Am I really meant to be with this one person? Is he/she the one? What if my “real” wife or husband is out there, waiting for me to find them? My God, we are getting high. Holy Shit, what the HELL were we thinking?! Your hands let go of each other, and you both hold on tight to the handles for dear life. You look at one other, trying to smile but really both thinking ‘seriously how did I let myself get into this, this is the worst mistake of my life!’ Finally, you are at the very top. It’s beautiful, serene. You are on top of the world. You both say your vows, still having butterflies in your stomachs, but knowing that something exhilarating is about to happen. The vows are done. You are now, literally, taking the plunge. Your 5 seconds of wedding bliss is now over, and now you are falling, falling, falling, demon butterflies are screaming inside you asking you why you were stupid enough to allow this to happen. As you are both dropping into the never-ending abyss, you think ‘Really, so this is what marriage is about huh? Falling, feeling sick, and just wanting to be put out of your misery?’

Then comes the part where you finally stop, then go back up for the second round. By this time, you both know what’s coming, so you learn to deal with it. It’s still scary, but not so bad. You actually might even begin smiling because the ride is actually getting fun. The hardest part is over. By the time the third round comes, you are both laughing hysterically, tears of terror and relief streaming down your faces. The ride comes to a halt and both you and your spouse get off, laughing, thinking you were both crazy for embarking on this adventure, but wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

–And that pretty much sums up my first 2 years of marriage. Anyone else have (kind of ) the same experience as I did?

Oh, and Happy Anniversary to my sweet sweet hubby, who had the patience to deal with my scary experience on “Supreme Scream,” and still decided to hold my hand when the ride was over!