When they say that you will become one with your husband in marriage, they weren’t kidding. Lately I feel as if I am morphing into a girl version of Alexander. The more I am introduced to his world, his passions & his hobbies, the more concerned I am of losing my identity of Natalie Bahadori –girl before Alexander Ricker. The girl who lived her life not taking very many risks, who loved divulging into novels to escape her mundane life, who lived her life primarily with only women (which meant no sports, no football, etc). Seeing myself freakishly begin to look a lot like my husband, I have begun questioning my own identity. When you get married, you are no longer you. You are you + husband. So then you ask yourself, where does he start and I begin? At least that’s what it’s like for me. Here are some ways that I see myself morphing into Alexander.
1) UFC – When I first started watching this, I was like, ‘Seriously, what is the big deal? The guys do a little dance and then 5 minutes later decide to actually start throwing some punches. And then one minute later they are on the floor cuddling each other and throwing some girl punches here and there. But then the more I watched it, the more exciting it became. The best part was having Alexander watch it with me and explaining to me what all the fighting techniques meant. Seeing his passion for which fighters he wanted to win was contagious, and eventually I got more and more into it. (Go GSP!) I can honestly say now that this is one of the funnest things I get to do with Xander, and I can tell it also makes him happy.
2) Cigars – I would have never in a million years thought I would like smoking cigars, but I do (only flavored ones). I smoked my first one when we were at his old house in Hacienda Heights, and all his guy roommates were outside smoking. I remember that I had colitis at the time, and they were telling me that smoking actually helped it. So I was like, ‘Why not?’ So I smoked one and thought it wasn’t so bad. It was actually fun just talking with the guys and smoking. Very relaxing. This is another activity that I love doing with Xander, that also gives him that look in his eyes that say, “That’s my girl!”
3) Sushi – I never touched Sushi until after I met Alexander. I never had the desire to. When he took me to restaurants I would rebel and eat the chicken teriyaki. My teriyaki came with a crunchy shrimp roll once and it was pretty tasty. So I told Xander, “Ok Xander, I like the crunchy shrimp roll, and that’s the only one I’ll probably ever like.” Now, I can do all you can eat sushi (only at Maru Sushi of course), which also makes Alexander very happy.
4) Beer – My favorite alcohol was always rum. I loved rum and pineapple juice and mai tais and all those other girly fruity drinks. Beer was not my favorite. I always thought it tasted like popcorn. It actually wasn’t until I was introduced to Land Shark that I was like hmm, I can actually stand this beer. So now, I drink that and Blue Moon, and anything that’s similar.
5) Snowboard – By far, this has been the hardest hobby of Alexander’s that I had to get into. If you didn’t know, my husband is obsessed with snowboarding. Not only with the actual sport but with the gear, the lifestyle, EVERYTHING. We have closets full of jackets, gloves, beanies, pants and boots to prove it. I had never attempted any kind of snow sport before I had met him. And of course, Xander was all about me trying it (but he did wait until after we had dated 3 years). The first time I tried, it sucked. I fell down the whole way down the mountain. After we were married, we got some lift tickets as a wedding gift, so we went to Snow Valley. It was also very difficult the second time around, but I couldn’t help but notice how happy it made my husband to just see me dressed in the snowboard attire and going down the bunny slopes. I have now gone around 5-6 times, and I can finally go down the mountain fast without falling (still need to learn how to toe carve!) And now it’s finally becoming fun!
Is this really a bad thing? Am I changing who I am to appease my husband? I don’t think so. I am still the nerdy girl who he fell in love with, the girl who made him laugh and made him see why he shouldn’t love every single movie that ever came out. But I do realize that by at least trying out the same kinds of things that our significant others love to do, it doesn’t hurt (except for snowboarding). The only thing that can come from this is you making your hubby really happy. And isn’t that the whole purpose of marriage? Trying to do anything in your power to make each other happy? Yes, I am looking more and more like Alexander, but I am having fun doing it. I never grew up with a guy in the house, so this whole thing is very new to me. At first, you’re like “Omigosh this is so stupid, why does he love this so much?” But then you try, (and maybe try a couple more times) and you begin to see. His happiness will make you happy. What’s so bad about that? He hasn’t completely taken over my identity (I will not become a gear whore like he wants me to be), but I don’t mind it. Not at all.